If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
