Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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