the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
