I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
