We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
