hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize