the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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