Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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