note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
