We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
