Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
