So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
