Jerry, you need to find god
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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