you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize