I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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