i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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