You can't motorboat a personality
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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