You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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