She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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