Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
