I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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