Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
