dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
