so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
