he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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