I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
