I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
