Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize