im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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