took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
