I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
