i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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