I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
