If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
