dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
