I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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