I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
