does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
