I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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