I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
