Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
