FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
