Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
