i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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