I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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