Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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