He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
