I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
