planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
