Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
