Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
