Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
