what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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