At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
