Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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