is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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