NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
