who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
