Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
