wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize