Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
