Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What a dumb baby whore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
