It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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