Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
