what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
