She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
