He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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