Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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