Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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