I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
