Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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