not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
